“Ah, you must be Nanako?” the tall man said as soon as he entered the café. He looked like he was in his early forties, and had a calmer, more relaxed vibe than I was expecting.
“I’m Tsuchiya. Nice to meet you,” he said as he sat down in front of me, cool and collected. “Have you already ordered something to drink? I come here a lot; they do very good cheesecake. Would you like to try some? Go on, it really is delicious—let me treat you to a piece.”
It was an occasion worth commemorating. My encounter with Tsuchiya, my very first PerfectStrangers match.
After I’d registered my profile on PerfectStrangers, I perused the site until I understood how it worked. It looked like there were two ways to meet someone. You set a time and approximate location (say, 5pm on such and such a day, in Shibuya), added a short comment (“Looking forward to a great chat!”), and then posted it on the site. This was known as “listing a chat.” Logged-in users could view these listings on a notice board, and if they wanted to meet you, they could reply to your post by clicking “Respond.” If you received multiple responses, you sifted through them and picked the person you most wanted to meet. If you didn’t feel like meeting any of them, you could decline them all and cancel the listing. And if you didn’t get any responses, of course, your meeting would just fall through. So in order to meet someone, you had to either list a chat and wait for someone to respond, or respond to someone else’s listing.
I felt a bit like I was being pushed into it, but then again, there was no point just staring at the site forever. This guy seemed all right, so why not meet up with him just to try it out?
Just making a profile wasn’t enough to set things in motion. The more I browsed the site, the more I understood that, unlike Facebook or Twitter, there was no fun in just browsing. All you could really do was “like” the intriguing people at the top of the popularity rankings, or go through and tag all your interests—#reading, #travel, and so on—and then check out people with the same tags as you.
I looked at the current listings by those who were seeking someone to meet. They were offering meetings at a whole range of different times, yet lots of them hadn’t had a single response, their posts going unanswered. What if no one responded to mine, either? That would be sad, embarrassing. Or what if I only got responses from weirdos? I dithered, unable to muster the resolve to set up my own meeting.
Just then, I got an alert from Facebook Messenger. I didn’t recognize the sender.
“Hello! I’m Tsuchiya,” began the message, complete with friendly waving emoji. “I work in advertising. I saw you on PerfectStrangers and thought I’d message. I see you’re new—nice to make your acquaintance! I’m not an expert, but if you need any help using the site, just ask. ” I had mixed feelings. I was partly reassured by the appearance of this kind stranger, but also a little suspicious as to why he had contacted me out of the blue.
“Thank you for the offer. How did you find me, though?” I replied.
“Do you mean how I found you on Facebook? ” came the reply, accompanied by another emoji—this one looking slightly sheepish, I thought. The message continued, “User profiles on PerfectStrangers have little Facebook and Twitter icons at the bottom. You can click them to see the user’s Facebook or Twitter feed. If you get a response from someone you think might be dodgy, you should check out their social media—it can be good to see where they work and find out a bit more about them. You can tell more about what they’re like from their posts and tweets, too.
“Also, people who’ve just signed up to PerfectStrangers and users who’re currently online are displayed as featured users. Down at the bottom. Can you see that?”
It was pretty forward of him to message me like this, but at least he seemed friendly.
“Oh, yes, I see it…Thanks for your help. It’s all new to me,” I replied.
“Are you planning to list a chat? Or just looking around for now?” he asked.
“I guess nothing’s going to happen till I list one. But I was worried no one would respond.”
“Why don’t I be your first meeting then? If you set a date and time, I’ll respond to your listing. You could set it up now for practice, if you want. It’s always good to try new things! ”
I felt a bit like I was being pushed into it, but then again, there was no point just staring at the site forever. This guy seemed all right, so why not meet up with him just to try it out?
“Okay, thank you. Let’s give it a shot. I’ll try posting now.”
And that was how my meeting with Tsuchiya came about.
*
Tsuchiya picked a place in Tokyo’s Oku-Shibuya district, a stylish café that was serious about its coffee. I arrived first and waited, feeling jittery and nervous. I’m about to socialize with a stranger! This is happening! I kept glancing around the café and fidgeting, smoothing out the creases in my skirt. But when Tsuchiya came in and we said hello, I found myself calming down and thinking that actually, this wasn’t so scary after all. He was easy to talk to, which helped. By the time I’d ordered a coffee and a piece of the cheesecake he recommended, my nerves had all but disappeared.
“So… you’ve been using PerfectStrangers for quite a while, then?” I asked Tsuchiya. “What made you decide to try it? How are you finding it?”
“Well, it makes a nice change from going for coffee on your own. And it’s stimulating talking to young people, it sometimes gives me new ideas for work. It’s good fun. What about you, why are you on the site?”
“I’ve separated from my husband. I thought it would be good to try something new, and I thought I might as well get some practice recommending books to people while I’m at it,” I said.
“You’re separated? I see, you must’ve had a hard time of it then. I have a feeling I’m missing part of the story, though…You intrigue me, Nanako. Could I ask why you and your husband split up? It’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Um…” I hesitated a moment.
My husband and I worked for the same company and we had a lot of friends in common, so I hadn’t really spoken to anyone about our reasons for separating. If I only gave my side of the story, I’d inevitably sound like the victim, which didn’t seem fair. I saw our separation as a mutual failure, and I had no desire to direct any blame or resentment toward my husband. In fact, I felt bad that the only conclusion I’d come to so far was that I wanted to put some space between us for a while, as a way of putting off the problem for the time being.
But Tsuchiya had no involvement in my life whatsoever. I didn’t have to worry about him meddling—he wouldn’t gossip to anyone who knew my husband, or tell my husband what I’d said. He was a total stranger whom I’d be with today and today only, so I felt able to relax and even joke about the separation.
Tsuchiya listened with interest as I spoke, nodding attentively now and then.
“Well, you meet all sorts of people on the site!” he said. “Seeing as you’re separated, you could even use it to find a boyfriend. I mean, forgive me for saying this—but a person can miss that physical connection, don’t you think?”
Um, excuse me? I was taken aback by his misguided words of encouragement. But then it occurred to me that maybe in a situation like this, people felt they could be more familiar, and mention things like sex more easily.
“Oh, I’m not really missing the physical connection. But I suppose it might be nice to find a boyfriend sometime,” I said noncommittally, trying to sidestep the topic.
But Tsuchiya continued. “I mean, not connection, exactly, but… Well, I’m talking about sexual intimacy! Though I thought that might be too blunt. But it’s not particularly outrageous to suggest that women might want sex, too, is it?”
For some reason, our discussion seemed to assume that I was sexually frustrated.
I found it refreshing that in this thirty-minute slot I’d been able to drop all formality and poke fun at him, that we’d been able to trade jests. And the fact I wouldn’t have to see him again made it easier, somehow.
“That’s just how it is,” Tsuchiya continued, as though pressing me for some kind of acknowledgment. “I mean, I’m a great believer in equality between men and women, I respect women. But women who try so hard on their own without a man can seem a bit…you know? I think a woman can really blossom when she’s got a man to love and fulfill her.”
“Oh…?” I said. I realized I was smiling through gritted teeth. This seemed to be a pet theory of his—and a totally antiquated one at that.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say you always need a man around, or that you look desperate or anything like that! I just meant, I’m sure you’ll find someone.”
“Thank you very much. Yes—it would be lovely if I could find a nice man like Pierre Taki,” I said, trying to wrest the baton from Tsuchiya and change the subject.
“Pierre Taki? What, the actor? Is he your type? That’s unusual! Well, I may not be as entertaining as him, but I’ll go out for dinner with you anytime, and you can talk about how things are with your husband, or whatever’s bothering you, and get it all off your chest. Sex or no sex, it’s fine by me—your wish is my command. Only kidding!”
So, he wanted to steer the conversation back to sex after all. I was getting fed up—but I couldn’t deny that it was thanks to Tsuchiya I’d taken this first step. I should really be much obliged to him.
“That’s very nice of you, but I think at the moment I just want to try meeting lots of different people on Perfect-Strangers. It’s been great meeting you like this, so I’m really excited to meet other people, too!” I answered, mentally adding, by which I mean, I don’t plan on seeing you again.
“Yes. Of course. It’s just there are a lot of dodgy people on there,” he said. At this point, it was probably time to tell him to have a good long look in the mirror.
“Well, they can’t be much dodgier than you,” I said, jokingly rebuffing him.
“Hey! That’s a terrible thing to say! Come on now, let’s be friends,” he said, getting into the spirit of things.
“Hmm…Nah, seems too much like hard work.” “Oh, too mean!”
I found it refreshing that in this thirty-minute slot I’d been able to drop all formality and poke fun at him, that we’d been able to trade jests. And the fact I wouldn’t have to see him again made it easier, somehow.
My gentle snub seemed to have done the trick, and after that, Tsuchiya chatted to me about the ad industry, what his job involved and the adverts he’d worked on recently, as far as he could discuss them.
As our meeting was coming to its end, I hastily asked him about books. What kind of thing did he usually read, and what might he like to try?
“Well, I haven’t read that much recently… Maybe a novel?” he said.
From what I gathered, he didn’t keep up with the latest books or read an awful lot. To be honest, I’d been put off by that doggedness of his, often found in middle-aged men: his pushing for another meeting and attempting to crowbar in the subject of sex. But he showed some sensitivity when he talked about his work, and I felt there was a more nuanced side to him. Based on his personality and his job, I thought he’d probably like to read something contemporary, rather than a classic.
I would recommend him something by Takehiro Higuchi, an author I’d discovered just recently and been blown away by. When I’d first read Higuchi’s writing, I was thrilled—he used language in a totally new way and presented such a fresh perspective. Tsuchiya worked in advertising, after all, so if he wasn’t already familiar with this new talent, I would introduce him. Farewell Zoshigaya would be a great choice…but then, Tsuchiya seemed to have sex on the brain, so instead, I picked Sex in Japan. It was right there in the title, so maybe he’d give the book a shot. It was suitably current, too, having just come out in paperback.
Sex in Japan is about a husband and wife who venture into the world of swinging. At first, it just seems like a piece of erotica, but midway through, it becomes a novel about violence, and then a courtroom novel, and it finishes up as a story about pure love. It’s entertaining in its absurdity, a real roller coaster of a ride. I hoped Tsuchiya would enjoy it. So that was how I made my first book recommendation.
I sent it to Tsuchiya a day or two later via Facebook Messenger, along with a few words of thanks.
_______________________________
From The Bookshop Woman: My Year Transforming Lives—One Book at a Time by Nanako Hanada, translated by Cat Anderson. Copyright © 2026. Available from Tiny Reparations Books, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC.
